


What is right and what is easy

by dorina16able



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Jean, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Moral Dilemmas, Sasha as a ghost, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 14:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorina16able/pseuds/dorina16able
Summary: After their return from Marley, lost comrades need to be honored, decisions need to be made and the threat of retaliation hangs in the air. At the trial that will decide Gabi and Falco’s fate, a certain someone gives strength to those who need it at the moment.





	What is right and what is easy

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this fic before Chapter 106 was released and it's about how I imagined the trial of the two kids would go (and because the idea of Sasha appearing as a ghost/illusion came in my mind and wouldn't go away).
> 
> This fic contains SPOILERS about Chapter 105 of the manga, so be warned.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Attack on Titan universe and characters

The corridor leading to the courtroom of Wall Sina is bustling with activity, soldiers walking up and down, talking in hushed tones to each other, some of them throwing curious and pitiful glances towards the elite squad of the Survey Corps. The former members of the 104th Trainee Squad are sitting amongst themselves, avoiding conversations with anyone else and all of them have the exact same appearance: blank eyes, guilty faces, angry gestures and devastated expressions, haunted as they are by the tragedy that struck them when they least expected it, when they were already celebrating their victory in Liberio.

 _Victory…then why the freaking hell do I feel like we have lost everything?_ Connie mentally wonders and bites his lip in order to prevent himself from sobbing loudly in front of everyone. The loss of his best friend has broken something in him and, after initially bursting everything out and crying for hours on Jean’s shoulder, he’s blocked all emotions away, lost in some kind of shocked trance…in fact, a part of him still expects Sasha to come to them in a sudden, laugh and assure him that the horror of the past days was nothing more than a prank.

“I wish I weren’t Commanding Officer right now.” Jean whispers next to him, his amber eyes locked on the wall across from him, unable to meet Connie’s gaze, drowning in his own grief and confusion. “That I wouldn’t be obligated to deliver an official suggestion about the two Marley kids today.”

How the hell will he be able to clear his head, stand before judges, soldiers and Queen Historia herself and express his own opinion, like his rank forces him to, about what should be done with Gabi and Falco? Two children so brainwashed and misguided that they were tricked by Marley into thinking the people of Paradis were their enemies? Two twelve-year-olds, one of which killed Sasha and the other one pushed her away, saving both her life and Jean’s, stopping them from shooting each other in a moment of revenge? Besides, the Scouts are already fearing a retaliation from Marley after the events in Liberio…Jean can’t imagine how the enemy nation will react if he speaks in favor of executing two children…two of their warriors.

How the freaking hell can he stand his ground when he’s still in shock about Sasha’s death, trying to accept that she won’t joke with them anymore, that she won’t laugh, that she won’t encourage them in her own unique way?

_“You surely don’t look the part, Mr. Commanding Officer.” Sasha tells Jean after a meeting with the others, during of which Hanji appointed the latter the new Commanding Officer of the Recon Corps._

_“What on earth is that supposed to mean?” He snaps at her, although, despite his attempts, his voice doesn’t sound nearly as angry as it would in the past, when they used to bicker all the time. Now it has a teasing tone, like he’s genuinely curious to hear her opinion…like he’s already feeling the burden of his new rank on his shoulders._

_“Well, look at you, all grumpy and sulking, as if you think you don’t deserve this position…or as if you’re already afraid you’ll disappoint us and all that nonsense.” The seventeen-year-old Potato Girl explains and sits next to him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder and smiling comfortingly at him. “Now let me tell you that, if anyone here deserved that promotion, it’s you, you moron!”_

_“And if you’re scared you’ll fail or something…who told you you’ll face everything alone? What do you think Sasha and I are doing here?” Connie joins the conversation, patting the other man’s shoulder and snickering at the spontaneous smile that appears on Jean’s face. “We’re here for you, buddy, in anything you need.”_

Jean now almost leaves a bitter laugh as he remembers this scene. Now it’s him who’s patting Connie’s shoulder in a futile try to give him some courage...and that feeling of failure is more intent than ever. No matter the faith Sasha and Connie placed in him, his status proved to be completely useless, he has failed both of them…he couldn’t protect Sasha and now Connie’s so broken that Jean doubts he’ll ever really move on.

“Well, today’s the day the two brats will get what they deserve.” Floch’s voice brings the two friends out of their thoughts and they look at the blond with doubt in their eyes, as if they can’t believe how a soldier can speak so calmly and arrogantly about punishing two minors. “Why are you staring at me like that? Don’t tell me you’re thinking about allowing them to leave.”

“Floch, comments like that is the last thing we need right now. If it was as easy as you say, we’d have thrown them from the airship already.” Connie states, still with a blank voice, although his eyes have a spark of rage Jean hasn’t seen in quite a while—and he understand immediately what hides behind this anger. Apparently, Floch gets it too, but his answer aches so much that it’d hurt them less if he had simply stabbed both of them.

“Sasha showed kindness in Liberio, sparing Gabi’s life when she could eliminate that little Marleyan demon. And we know how that ended.”

“Seriously now, you jerk? You’re seriously blaming a dead girl for not killing a child? And here I thought your time with the Scouts changed you!”

Despite the three years that have passed since the last time he saw her, Jean easily recognizes Hitch, who’s now looking at Floch as if he’s a really disgusting creature, stopping Jean from giving his comrade a piece of his mind. Her hair is now slightly longer and her expression more mature, but her voice has the trademark ironic tone she uses whenever she wants to make her point clear. Even though, her bloodshot eyes don’t escape Jean’s attention and he actually feels sorry for her—she and Sasha had started getting along rather well and she surely misses her; not to mention that the recent tragedy has quite probably returned her to Marlowe and the way he died four years ago.

Floch doesn’t reply to her; he only scoffs at her direction, gives a mocking salute to Jean and leaves to follow Captain Levi, who’s heading inside the courtroom with a scowl on his face. Jean sighs, locking eyes with the mourning Military Police member before slowly lowering his head, unable to see the hurt in her expression, his hand once more tightened in a fist and his leg bouncing up and down as he tries to suppress the anger that consumes him after Floch’s comment.

“Don’t listen to that bastard, do whatever your conscience tells you to. You won’t carry everyone’s burden on your own.” Hitch’s advice, full of determination, makes him raise his head again; she’s not crying, but her whole existence reflects her wish to see some kind of justice for Sasha. “Did…Did she suffer?”

“S-She…She struggled with her words…obviously in pain, but she didn’t show it…” Connie whispers and Jean has to give him credit; despite their own devastation, despite not being able to actually console Hitch because of their numbing sadness, his friend’s voice isn’t shaking; it’s hesitating and weak, but it doesn’t betray the fact that he’s on the verge of tears. “But she teased us for being noisy…and then asked for supper and some meat.”

A small chuckle escapes Hitch’s mouth at these words, like she’s not surprised at all…or like she’s trying to contain her tears at the fact that Sasha stayed so true to her character even when the end had come. It’s weird, Jean thinks right now as he gathers his strength...he used to consider Sasha a total idiot, a fool for being courageous and optimistic in this messed up world…and then these two and Connie formed a bond that seemed unbroken, having each other’s backs and balancing each other…and now he’d give anything to hear Sasha teasing him or telling a joke to lighten the mood.

“Anyway, I better go in.” Hitch waves at them and starts taking her leave. “Try not to cry your eyes out during the trial, okay?” She asks mockingly, a shadow of how she used to be, although Sasha had once said to Connie that Hitch hides much more strength and compassion than she wants everyone to think.

“Ready, buddy?” Jean asks Connie gently, clinging on the seconds he has before they have to go in the room. In there all emotion and angry grief he has needs to be concealed; in there he will become the tough Commanding Officer who will speak calmly and respectfully, who will make effective decisions and who will talk about Sasha’s death not like it’s a personal matter, but like he’s considering it just another comrade’s death.

 _At least that’s what everyone will think I’ll do_ , he mentally states; after all, the very same reason he was granted permission to take part in the trial today is precisely this connection he and Sasha had…some may even believe that, should he speak in favor of executing Gabi, the judges would listen to him because it would come from someone who has lost a dear friend. _No pressure there, people_ , he scoffs; he’s still dealing with a turmoil and these insensitive egoists in Wall Sina trust him to have a clear mind? Or are they simply eager to punish two Marleyans to pass a message, without even caring that it’s two children who are trialed today?

“If I’m ready? Not in the slightest.” Connie replies with a sigh and stands up to look at his friend. “Hitch is right about something, though. Take the decision _you_ think is the right one. Especially since Gabi and Falco are not the only ones who should be on trial today.”

 

“Commanding Officer Kirstein, we await your own verdict on what should be done with Marley warriors Gabi Braun and Falco Grice.”

With an inaudible sigh, Jean stands up and takes a look around, at all those who are present. Historia is seated at the front next to Zackly; she’s emotionless, but when their eyes meet he can see her own mourning for Sasha’s death. Hanji and Levi are serious and only his Commander nods towards him, silently encouraging him to speak his mind. His friends are all staring in front of them with similar blank expressions, but still giving him faith with their presence—Connie, Mikasa and Armin are sitting next to each other, with Floch just behind them, curiosity and hidden anger marking his face. Eren isn’t present—thank God, otherwise the fury he’d feel would definitely cloud his judgment. He knows Connie’s blaming him for Sasha’s loss; hell, he’s blaming him too, just like the rest of the squad; Gabi pulled the trigger, but it wasn’t her suicidal tactic that led them all across the ocean.

_The funeral service is quiet, sorrowful and private, like soft voices that fade in the background when someone else speaks louder. The former members of the 104th prefer it that way, though; they’re all exhausted, angry and in denial about the tragedy that has hit them; the last thing they want right now is luxurious services in Wall Sina and the presence of the Military Police superiors who have no idea and probably don’t even care who Sasha really was._

_Numbness has fallen over the nineteen-year-olds and even Hanji and Levi feel it intently, despite the fact that they’ve buried countless comrades during their time in the Scout Regiment. No one can ever get used to it, to the loss of someone close to them, and they know that nothing can truly console those under their command. So they show their sadness and comfort the others silently; Hanji by ruffling Connie’s hair and Levi by placing a hand on Mikasa’s shoulder, quietly standing by her side, their relation more evident than ever now that the black-haired woman is mourning for someone she considered a sister._

_She’s now slumped against Sasha’s grave, head leaning backwards and looking troubled, like she’s thinking about what their next step should be. Jean and Connie are standing at the other side, wordlessly staring at the cold stone in front of them, unable to believe that the funny and always kind Sasha is lying there—as if they think that she’ll approach them at any second. Behind them they can hear Gabi yelling and cursing at whoever is dragging her, combined with Falco shouting at her that she needs to shut up, but neither Jean nor Connie turn around to watch or to bring order. This has been happening ever since the two young warriors were arrested; Gabi threatening everyone and Falco trying to make her stop, the boy sometimes throwing guilty glances towards the soldiers around him._

_“I still can’t look Eren in the eyes, can you believe that?” Connie sniffles and rubs his eyes to stop more tears from running down his face. He speaks softly so Mikasa won’t hear him, but the confusion and rage is obvious in his tone. “I just can’t—I don’t care about whatever plan he and that monkey have, I—“_

_“No one judges you for that, buddy. Plan or not, they can’t force us to agree with them…or consider Sasha’s loss collateral damage.” Jean assures him and briefly squeezes his shoulder, recalling what he had told Eren, about how his selfish actions brought them all to Marley and eventually resulted in Sasha dying like that. “Hey, come on, go sit down for a while. Get some rest, you look ready to collapse.”_

_Connie protests, but eventually listens to him, feeling his own endurances breaking; after all he’s barely slept or rested since they lost Sasha. Jean remains in front of the gravestone, feeling weaker and more useless than ever, not knowing how to give Connie some sort of consolation; how the hell do you console someone who has witnessed his first and closest friend getting shot and slowly passing away in front of your eyes? How can you find the right words when you’re a total mess yourself, even though you know that you have to clear your head because a great deal of mess is coming, especially if Marley takes its revenge for the battle in Liberio?_

_“I’ll look after Connie for you, Potato Girl,” he says nonetheless. “That’s a promise.”_

“Commanding Officer?” Zackly’s voice lands him to reality again, the man’s voice now urgent. “We await your final decision on what’s to be done with Braun and Grice.”

It’s so easy for him to succumb to anger. To order the harshest punishment for Gabi for what she has done; for killing Sasha and Lobov. To surrender to that burning wish for revenge, for some sort of justice, without caring about the fact that this will officially cut off any possibility at some sort of peaceful solution.

“But you’re not gonna do that, right? Deep down you’ve already decided…you never were a revenge kind of guy.”

That voice…perfectly audible in his head and yet so clear that it’s as if it’s echoing around the courtroom, sounding exactly the same as it did when its owner lived. And suddenly it’s not just the voice…he can _see_ her, standing right across from him…Sasha Blouse herself, like she casually appeared in the middle of the room. A soft, bittersweet smile on her face, hazel eyes sparking with something like sadness, as if she’s apologizing for not actually being here…a relaxed stance, contradicting how focused and tensed she was during their way to Marley.

They lock eyes, Jean stares at her illusion and it’s like no one else exists in the room…like it’s just the two of them, as if they’re having one of their normal, quiet conversations…like the ones they had every now and then during these years. Sasha—he can’t say the word ‘ghost’, not even mentally because she feels so real to him—nods towards him once…and just like that, he feels a peace he hasn’t felt since he saw her getting shot.

And just like that, he clears his head and decides what he’s gonna say.

“General Zackly, it is true that Gabi Braun murdered two members of the Survey Corps and hasn’t expressed any regret for her actions. However, we should consider that both she and Falco Grice have been manipulated by the nation of Marley for years, therefore considering the Eldians of Paradis their enemies because of their misguidance and wished to defend their homeland from those who attacked it. Furthermore, Falco Grice pushed Gabi Braun away after she shot Sasha Blouse and tried to shoot me, saving both our lives in the process. Besides, both of them are merely minors and punishing them won’t stop the circle of violence and tragedy this war has thrown us all into…not to mention that they are very capable soldiers.”

“So what do you suggest we do with them, Commanding Officer?” Zackly wants to know and Jean takes a deep breath, preparing himself for what he’ll say next. His eyes are still locked on Sasha’s illusion, which hasn’t left, and he feels stronger than he has felt the past days.

“For the murders of Scout Blouse and Division Commander Lobov, I suggest we imprison Gabi Braun for a while, but I’m against executing her. Instead, I believe we should send her to train with the next Cadet Corps, where she will train and improve her abilities without being in the frontlines and betraying us to Marley.” Jean concludes, his answer evoking several protests from the MPs and approving nods from the Scouts.

“As for Falco, after seeing his regret for Marley’s actions and saving my life, I take the responsibility to place him under my protection to ensure that no actions against him will take place,” he continues, knowing that many soldiers, including some of the Recon Corps, are looking for an opportunity to take out their revenge on the young boy. By putting him under his care, he immediately plans on lessening these attempts and on preventing Gabi from treating him as a traitor to their nation; the way she’s acting, it wouldn’t surprise Jean if she tried to murder Falco as well.

He blocks out Gabi’s vengeful yells that she doesn’t need his pity…he blocks out the MPs from calling him a traitor to his friend who died…he even blocks out Zackley and Historia’s tries to quiet everyone down…and he focuses on Sasha, as if silently seeking her approval.

Seeing her smiling widely and nodding towards him makes him chase away even the smallest hints of doubt he had.

 

“You see now why I said that you totally deserve being promoted to Commanding Officer?”

“So…is that what’s gonna happen from now on? Will you keep haunting my mind and presence?”

“Please, as if I’d ever leave you alone so quickly.”

Jean chuckles unwillingly and slightly smirks; despite his initial thoughts, Sasha’s image hasn’t faded yet. She’s still there, standing next to him under the lemon tree in the yard of the building, where he went to find some solace and gather his thoughts when Zackley declared that they would stop for today and continue tomorrow. It’s oddly silent around them…unless it’s simply Jean’s imagination, considering the discussions that still occur inside the court room, the MPs trying to convince Zackly to act behind everyone else’s backs and severely punish Gabi and Falco.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this,” he whispers now; he’s getting sentimental, he knows that, but it’s something he has to say out loud. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you.”

“Hey now, stop feeling guilty for everything that’s happening around you. Deep down you know that there was nothing you could do…don’t beat yourself up.” Sasha smiles at him and he is overwhelmed by how paranormal and yet how crazily casual this feels like…as if Sasha’s forgiving him and as if he’s forgiving himself at the same time, despite the still-existing pain that surely won’t leave him alone.

“You know, I think she would be very proud of you today.” Connie joins him outside, breathing the fresh air and, when Jean looks again, Sasha’s no longer beside him, as if she knows that her two friends will look out for each other. “I know it wasn’t easy for you to take this decision.”

“No, but it was the right thing to do. Sasha spared Gabi’s life back there…if I had ordered her execution, I would go against everything she believed in and I have no right to do that. Not now. And let’s say that…” Jean thinks very thoroughly about his next words, “that she showed me the way…and gave me the strength I needed.”

Connie nods in understanding, without asking further questions about what he means; after all, he keeps hearing Sasha’s voice in his head himself all this period of time, encouraging and comforting him in his really bad moments. And no matter the furious glances Floch and most MPs throw them for voting against the murder of two misguided children, the two men couldn’t care less.


End file.
